Put Lachie Cain - in the Coastal Crew Golf Hall of Fame
Amateur Golfer and couch commentator Lachlan Cain is sure to be on his way into the Coastal Crew Hall of Fame. His brain is a sports stat machine and he loves a day out on the green. The true golfing capability of the great man was uncovered at Wantima Country Club on a sunny Tuesday in August 2023. Let`s take a deep “drive” into what happened!
Setting the scene: Definitely a workday but the boys opted for a golf day, Sunny conditions, no wind. Amazing scenes on the golfing greens.
Ambrose was the chosen format for the day`s play, and Lachlan Cain was placed in a team of 2 other players. The geniuses organizing the golf day thought it would be a good idea to pair Lachlan Cain with two other blokes named Lachlan Ellings-Carden & Lochlan McArthur. All the other golfers on the course could hear “shot lach!” or “bloody hell, get it together Loch”, and you could hear this about 9 times a hole. Drive you insane I swear.
Lachlan Cain would be classified as the most experienced golfer out of the trio. He kicked off the day in true amateur fashion, hooking his tee shot to the right and nowhere near the fairway. He swiftly turned around to the lads and said, “guess that`s why you should warm up before you play, hey boys!”. Now on the car ride home, I gave this some thought and came to the conclusion that Lachlan was full of rubbish, and reminded myself that he had arrived at the course 45 minutes prior to tee off and got more than 20 practice swings in.
He quickly made up for his opening mistake, putting the boys in a great position to win the first hole. With a decent second shot, the ball didn`t pull up where Lachie would have quite liked, leaving his ball sitting right on the edge of the green. It was a nervous walk as the trio talked tactics of who will take the first putt, and as you do – you save the best for last. Grabbing his expensive putter for a guy who averages less than 3 golf games a month, Lachie Cain lined up his putt. The distance to get this one in, felt long and unachievable, you felt as though you could have parked a semi-trailer from the hole to his ball and measured that distance. With great focus and sobriety, he touched the ball in the sweet spot and watched it curve. As the ball sunk, he jumped into the air as high as an MJ Dunk, and the trio of Lachie`s rallied around each other. He proudly shared with his mates that this putt, was the best he had ever done, and with that the trio took the lead on hole one.
To say he continued the strong performance and backed it up from there on, would be an absolute lie. He quickly lost focus on the tee shots, spraying them left right and centre and he was struggling for distance. Extreme Amateur golfer Lachlan Ellings, who was embarking on just his second game of golf in his youthful 23 years of being alive- was fed up with the Lachie Cain`s poor performance by hole 5. “The man is meant to be a gun, but playing with this bloke is honestly just no fun” – Exclaimed Lachie Ellings.
As frustration kicked in, the trio looked to all resources of how to improve their game. We tried slowing the shots down, keeping that head straight. Carefully analysing the ball and the angle prior to each shot. It just was not working. Little did we know, there was an unlikely cure for Lachlan Cain, that would put respect back on his golf game.
For those who don`t know Lachie Cain, he is an innocent man. Lachie Ellings was about to change this in an instant, handing him a Jack Daniels Rum & Coke and a cigarette. “Honestly mate, just have a frigging swig of this and a puff of the cigarette. You need to loosen up.” Explained Lachie Ellings.
Without hesitation and an overwhelming frustration, Lachie Cain did exactly what he was told. I truly believe this was the very first puff of a cigarette for the Cain Train as the man coughed his lungs up louder than the magpies nest going off their chops in the trees above.
But this was the kicker. The very next tee shot. Straight and down the middle, furthest tee shot of the day. That is the exact moment when the trio knew were onto something.
Another hole, another sip, and another puff. Another shot down the fairway and leading the charge. His secret had been found. We can confirm that Lachie Cain went onto snag 2 Jack Daniels Rum & Cokes off his mate and a few cigarettes for the remainder of the day.
It is with much pride, that we witnessed the great man lead the trio to victory and secure the very best shots of the day. Like any great player, he dug in when times got tough. He rode the wave and worked his way out of the rough. Whether it be an origin footy match, or you come to the crease at 3-10 just overs Into to the innings, you have to show up. Golf is no different.
So wherever you are and wherever you may play, if you need that extra boost of confidence – Lachie Cain knows a way.
Written by,
Coastal Crew Golf Reporter